


D4V3 4ND T3R3Z1 GO TO WH1T3 C4STL3

by Neigedens



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Illustrated, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-24
Updated: 2012-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-30 01:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neigedens/pseuds/Neigedens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave had stashed it away in an innocuous part of his sylladex. At first he had told himself that he was holding onto the shit to give back to his bro when he got a chance, but that was total bullshit. The classic "I'm just holding it for a friend!" defense. (UPDATE 3/8: Now with illustrations!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	D4V3 4ND T3R3Z1 GO TO WH1T3 C4STL3

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [at the kinkmeme.](http://homesmut.livejournal.com/8974.html?thread=28094478#t28094478)

Dave had stashed it away in an innocuous part of his sylladex. At first he had told himself that he was holding onto the shit to give back to his bro when he got a chance, but that was total bullshit. The classic "I'm just holding it for a friend!" defense.

He didn't even really know why he had bothered to steal it. Probably because Li'l Cal had just been cut to pieces and Dave had always had the tiniest suspicion that Li'l Cal was the guardian of The Stash and would know if Dave messed with it. So Dave had taken it while the taking was good.

Terezi had caught a sniff of it, though. He didn't understand how he could get away with it to everyone else in the entire universe and incipisphere but some crazy blind girl in another dimension caught him rearranging his sylladex just once and suddenly all of that was for nothing.

GC: D4V3 WH4T 1S TH4T?  
TG: what is what  
GC: TH3 1NTR1GU1NG SM3LLY P4CK3T YOU JUST SHOV3D 1N YOUR SYLL4D3X QU1CKLY!  
GC: DO NOT TRY 4ND H1D3 FROM M3 D4V3  
GC: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 4 P4RT1CUL4RLY PUNG3NT BR4ND OF H41R O1L  
TG: lol nope  
GC: P34H4PS SOM3 SORT OF H3RB4L ST1MUL4NT, FOR TH3 L4D13S >:]  
TG: its none of your business dude  
GC: D4V3 1TS SOM3TH1NG 1LL3G4L 1SNT 1T  
GC: D4V3 I W1LL NOT R3ST UNT1L 1 F1ND OUT WH4T 1T 1S

She didn't, so he told her.

GC: D4V3!!!!!  
TG: what  
GC: D4V3 TH4T 1S 4WFUL  
GC: 4WFULLY 3XC1T1NG  
TG: not really  
TG: its just weed  
GC: YOUR F4LS3 BR4V4DO W1LL NOT FOOL M3  
TG: lol what are you gonna do  
TG: call the crocodile cops on me?  
GC: YOULL S33 DAV3 >:]  
GC: YOULL S33  
GC: YOU K33P YOUR 1LL3G4L H4LLUC1NOG3NS FOR NOW  
TG: ok its not really a hallucinogen but whatever  
GC: >:]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

He mostly forgot about all of that, about the weed and about Terezi threatening him in that creepily alluring way she had, what with the exploding himself with his ectobiological sister and everything that went along with that.

Did gods have a need for marijuana? Dave didn't know, but he did know that anyone living on a lifeless rock with the crew that Dave had to put up with would not be able to help themselves. The sylladex was there and it was tempting him less than two weeks after they left the Green Motherfucking Sun. He resisted, though. Terezi was the one who had to approach him about it. Sort of.

"Dave," she said one day. "The time has come. I need to see your contraband."

The two of them were chilling in his room. He had a stereo system set up in here and some of his old turntables, nothing special. Plus the trolls (read: Karkat) had insisted that the grist cost of alchemizing a bed was too high, so Dave slept on a huge pile of smuppets because he hated himself, probably. (Rose probably said that sleeping on a bed of smuppets was indicative of all of Dave's totally rad mental problems. Or if she didn't say that, it was something that Dave often thought to himself.) Terezi occasionally came to his room to hang out with him and to lick the turntables, which he prevented whenever he could.

"You mean the weed?"

"I mean the marijuana cigarettes you are secreting about your person and/or sylladex."

"Uh, OK. I don't have any marijuana cigarettes." He paused and she glared menacingly at him. "What? I'm not lying, go ahead and smell me."

"I can smell you from over here," she said, sniffily. "You're lying by omission."

He rolled his eyes. "K. Yeah, I got a bag of weed and my bro's old pipe. What are you gonna do? Arrest me?"

Her red glasses flared in the light. "Maybe. Do you want me to arrest you?" She sat down next to him on the smuppet pile. "Do I have to get the cuffs out again?"

He groaned. He couldn't do this today. Not in this state of sobriety, anyway. "You want to try it, don't you?"

She grinned, which occasionally was enough to make his heart skip a beat in combined horror/amusement. 

"This is insane," he said. "You're another fucking species, what makes you think--hell, what am I doing, you've already convinced me with your puppy-dog eyes."

"You're a smart-ass, Dave," she said. "Please, teach me how to be a super-chill coolkid like you."

He took the baggie and the soft felt bag with the pipe in it out of his sylladex. The lighter, thankfully, was in there too. He filled the bowl more quickly than he might have thought he was able to, but Terezi's anticipatory grin was an odd encouragement. 

"It's gonna start out pretty rough," he told her. "So just take a small pull--OK, that was not a small pull."

"My god, Dave," she said between coughs. "This is...my god. Humans do this for fun?"

"Yes," said Dave, taking the pipe and lighter from her. "We do this, exclusively, nothing but." He took a drag. "That would probably explain a lot about Egbert." He watched her grimace at him through the smoke; she was giving him what Kanaya called the surprise noodle face. She was sitting cross-legged, facing him on the smuppet pile. Suddenly he had an idea. "Do you want to try shotgunning it?"

"I have no idea what that is, so I'm just going to say yes without reservation because it definitely isn't something that sounds dangerous at all."

He told her what it was and watched her expression light up into what he called the shout pole face. She nodded so he drew his face closer, put his lips over hers, and exhaled. She didn't cough out the smoke this time, just exhaled slowly.

"Interesting," she said. "I like it. The smell is at first offensive, but it smells enough like you that I don't mind it."

"Weird," he told her. "But oddly heart-warming. Let's do it again."

She barely let him finish toking before kissing him this time and drawing the smoke from his mouth to hers. They smoked the rest of the bowl that way, and while Dave reflected that having sloppy makeouts with his new troll girlfriend on top of a pile of smuppets was probably more indicative of his rad mental problems than he even wanted to think about, thankfully he was too high to really care much at that point. They went to the common area to alchemize something to eat and get shouted at by Karkat for wasting their grist on what seemed to be nutrient-less junk food.

"White Castle, dude," said Dave. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"I don't understand either," admitted Terezi. "I'm even more offended. Karkat, have a curly fry."

Karkat was so offended at being offered a curly fry that it was several minutes before he could be persuaded to join the meal. After that Terezi (who was convinced her feet weren't touching the ground and, hell, maybe they weren't) took him up on the roof to convince him that he could use her smelloscope if he really tried, and they ended up getting into a huge argument that neither of them remembered when they woke up from their junk food coma.

All in all an illustration of the dubious charms of marijuana. Dave thought that, somewhere, Bro was smirking down on him in ecto-bro heaven.

  



End file.
